


Emblem

by LittleLinor



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: (but offscreen), Fluff, Knifeplay, M/M, Marking, Post-Canon, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 08:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18049196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLinor/pseuds/LittleLinor
Summary: Despite everything that came with it, Kazumi misses the mark Shiranui had put on his hand





	Emblem

**Author's Note:**

> More request fills, sorry for being so late

The mark on Kazumi's hand disappeared with Shiranui's presence in him.  
In a way, it was reassuring, especially at first. He often found himself checking on his own body, for a confirmation that he was himself, for a reminder that he did actually need to move his body on his own, that staring into space like he'd done for the last five minutes was a bad idea because no one was piloting him anymore. In a way, despite how dysfunctional that whole episode had been, Kazumi had relied on him, in ways that he didn't like to admit he'd honestly wanted. Learning to take charge of himself again after he'd been allowed to give up hadn't been as easy as people would assume.  
Going without the mark, in a way, was even harder.

Circumstances aside, Shiranui's mark on his body had been the realisation of a long, deeply held and deeply hidden dream. It was why he'd accepted it so easily, why he'd let himself sink without much resistance in the end. You deserved it, his brain had told him, for wanting it in the first place.  
Now that that misconception had started to heal, the yearning had not magically disappeared.  
If anything, it was stronger, now. He was no longer able to ignore it, to dismiss it. He knew what it felt like, to see his body marked every time he cared enough to focus on what was to be seen beyond the eyes that were supposed to be his. He knew how it felt, for his every movement to be in the hands of someone else. Controlled.  
And he knew he still wanted it. Deeply, quietly, in the way a cell-bound prisoner longed for the sun. For a breath of fresh air. Something about it had sat right, had sunk into his very bones. And now without it, he felt… adrift.

It took months, for Shiranui to come to him again.  
He did when he expected it the least. When Kazumi thought he would have to fight for his family alone, he felt a hand on his shoulder, a solid weight at his back. Intangible, invisible, but in his mind's image, Shiranui was there, ready. Ready to fight _for_ him, to fight _with_ him. Not a simple apology, but a renewed vow.  
If Kazumi had not already been crying for his brother, he would have cried from the feeling.  
Shiranui had not abandoned him. Shiranui did not consider him too weak, too fragile to interact with ever again. There was more to him, to his clumsy heart, than being a simple, easy to break puppet.  
It would not fix everything. If they survived this fight, they would need to actually talk, about what had happened, about what their lives and hearts could do, could be in the future. But for now, Shiranui's warmth was enveloping him, shielding him from the darkness around them, and his hands were firm around Kazumi's own, and it was all he could ever have asked for.  
“I won't let you lose your family too,” Shiranui simply said, and Kazumi thought with a tearful smile that they understood each other after all.

When they saw each other again, war had taken its toll on Shiranui too.  
The wounds to his heart that had accumulated over the years had now reached his body itself. He could no longer quite wrap himself in his survivor's guilt, when he himself had lost so much of his body to his battles. Despite his almost painful level of skill, he hadn't been able to come out of the battle with no consequences this time.  
Ironically, or maybe predictably, it allowed his heart to heal.  
Fighting for something bigger than himself, correcting his mistakes while acknowledging and rejecting those who had hurt and manipulated him broke him out of his cycle of guilt and misplaced hate. Finally, he could actually oppose those who had used the deaths of his loved ones as tools. Finally, he could put their souls to rest.  
He was no longer an outsider, desperately trying to salvage those he loved by leading them and watching them fall around him. He was one of them, and carried their wishes into the future.  
Seeing him sit serenely in his mind's eye, Kazumi could only feel the admiration he'd held since he was a child rekindle and settle inside him, warm.  
He had always known, deep down, the kind of person Shiranui was. The kind of person Shiranui would become.  
Despite what people thought, he was usually good at judging the nature of people. Just like he'd known, from the start, how much brighter Kazuma would shine if his family wasn't so determined to grime him up. How brave Chrono Shindou was. Tokoha Anjou, determined. Shion Kiba, unyielding.  
Those he admired always brought that glow to the surface, eventually.  
“I'm sorry,” he still told Shiranui when his fingers finally brushed the clean-cut flesh of Shiranui's shoulder in the space of their joined minds. “You got hurt, on top of everything…”  
“It's fine,” Shiranui sighed. Kazumi shot him a disapproving look, hurt to see him dismiss himself, but Shiranui smiled slightly, the movement baring his teeth on one side of his mouth. “Really. Considering everything that happened, I got off easy. We did face a being of pure destruction.”  
“… I suppose,” Kazumi sighed back, hands settling on his remaining thigh protectively.  
“That aside, it is satisfying in a strange way. The world after this battle and injury is no longer the same as the world before. And this is a battle I can say I've fought to the fullest.”  
“… I see,” Kazumi said, leaning his head against his chest. He felt warm and solid, and although he knew this was only an image that they shared, it felt more real than the last few years he'd spent alone in his family's house had. “… is it hard?”  
“… it is. But no harder than losing my family had been. Compared to that loss, this is nothing.”  
Kazumi nodded against him.  
“… is there anything I can do? To make that pain easier to bear?”  
“Forgiving me after what I did to you is already more than enough. You are precious, Kazumi,” he added before Kazumi could protest. “I'm grateful that you gave me another chance.”  
“I… if you say so,” he mumbled, hiding his face a little so Shiranui wouldn't see him blush.  
“What about you?” Shiranui asked. “I could work to make amends for years and still never quite make up for what I did. So instead I will just ask: what can I do for you _now_.”  
“I—I'm fine. You don't have to do anything—”  
“Whether I have to or not, I want to.”  
Kazumi's words died mid-sentence.  
“… I… in that case…”  
Shiranui waited.  
“… I want to be marked again.”  
Pressed as he was against Shiranui's chest, Kazumi got to hear his quiet gasp as it rushed into his lungs.  
“I-if you want to!” Kazumi immediately amended, pulling back and bringing his hands up. “I know it's a big commitment, I understand if you don't want that link to me, I just—”  
“I would be honoured to be allowed that commitment,” Shiranui said, imperturbable.  
The heat in Kazumi's cheeks invaded his entire face and made his neck boil.  
“I—… okay,” he squeaked.  
Shiranui twisted a little, and his hand came to rest on Kazumi's head.  
“The only reason I would ever have to stay away from you is guilt,” he quietly said. “You are worth far more than you think. And I am no longer blind to it.”  
“… if you keep talking like that, I am actually going to swoon,” Kazumi tried to joke, swallowing the tears of emotion that made his throat tight and threatened to betray him.  
“I fail to see how that would be a bad thing, but please swoon to the correct side; I'll have trouble catching you otherwise.”  
Well, that did it. Surely Shiranui could _feel_ the heat radiating from him by now.  
Shiranui's hand came to rest against his back. No doubt to prevent any swooning.  
“Do you have any preferences, then?” he asked as Kazumi resisted the urge to lean back into his hold.  
“… no. I'd like it to be up to you.” He almost bit his lip, but looked up at Shiranui with determination instead, pushing down the shiver of apprehension and anticipation that threatened his spine. “Since we've talked about diffriding again before… I thought… if you gave me a scar of some kind before giving me back control…”  
“Hm… I can do that, as long as you promise to take care of the wound properly.”  
“I will.” He smiled. “Please pick the area you want—although it would be best to stay away from the wrists or neck. It might give people a different message.” A message that his almost attempts at, years ago, had been severely punished.  
Shiranui just nodded. Feeling his throat tighten again, Kazumi leaned against Shiranui's chest again.  
“… I love you,” he said, just in case, so he'd know for sure that Shiranui was aware, because his entire heart and body were humming with it. “Thank you.”  
A breath, and then Shiranui's hand came to press him closer against his chest.  
“So do I.”

When their first renewed diffride ends, he finds himself seated in his room, Shiranui retreating to the back of his mind as droplets of blood run down his chest. The cut over his heart is shallow, but deep enough to burn and sting, and it seems Shiranui has angled his blade in a way that lifted the skin somewhat, making it wider.  
_Is it too much?_ Shiranui asks, hesitation bubbling to the surface despite his outward assurance.  
“It's perfect. Thank you.”  
_… the pleasure was mine. … quite literally_ , he admits in an undertone.  
Kazumi giggles.  
“I hope you know I would be open to more 'pleasure' along those lines,” he points out, grinning.  
_… I'll consider it._ A slight pause. _Please clean it quickly._  
“I will, I will.” Despite his words, Kazumi can't help but run a finger along the cut, hissing at the pain.  
Locked at the back of his own mind, he'd barely been able to feel anything. Even the ghostly chains made his body numb instead of causing him pain like they should have.  
In contrast to that, the stinging under his fingers feels sweet and alive.  
“… I considered getting a tattoo,” he admits quietly. “Back when you left.”  
Shiranui doesn't answer, but his quiet wait for an explanation comes through Kazumi's mind easily.  
“I wanted _something_. It felt so strange to be alone. So for a moment, I thought, what if I just put the mark back.” He chuckles. “I didn't, because… it felt entitled. Who was I to bear that mark?”  
_Kazumi…_  
“… I'm glad I waited. I'm glad I waited for this instead. Because now…” He laughs again, light, derisive, and a little dizzy with the power and freedom of it. “Now I actually feel like maybe I deserve to have it. Isn't that crazy?”  
In his mind, Shiranui's warmth wraps around his shoulders.  
_You more than deserve it. And I think I can speak for the Shiranui clan to tell you that you have the right to our emblem, if you still want it._  
“… maybe. This is good for now, I think. I want… I want to live with it first. To feel it to the fullest.” He sighs happily. “But… thank you.”  
Shiranui nods, and Kazumi smiles at the feeling.  
“… that being said, if you _want_ to mark me with that emblem, you're welcome to do it when we're together by any means you consider appropriate,” he teases, half-hoping that Shiranui will actually take him seriously.  
_Hmm. Will you regret it if I take you literally?_  
Kazumi grins.  
“Absolutely not.”


End file.
